The Breakthrough Project for Men: November 10, 2008

Yesterday I began a personal journey called The Breakthrough Project for Men. My intention is to cause a breakthrough in the way I experience being a single father as well as contribute to all men by serving as a source of information, support, and guidance.

After taking my son Drew to a doctors appointment and dropping him off at school, I headed to Borders not knowing what I might find. I wanted to begin to research all the books about being a man. A Father. The male experience. What it is to be a man. What I found was somewhat shocking. I was able to find books on raising boys and relevant christian books pertaining to being a man in God's image, but there isn't a single book in the entire Borders book store on Brentwood Ave. in St.Louis, MO. on November 10, 2008 that spoke to simply being a man. I get the ones about being a man in God's image, but the male experience isn't relegated to just christians. And I'm a christian. I was baffled to the point I found myself saying, "Really?" out loud. I asked a Borders employee for help. He searched all through the computer. Nothing further. I thank the author's who have written books on the topic of being a man. I will read each of them in hopes of growing in my knowledge of the subject. I consider it noteworthy to mention that after four hours of initial research I found only five authors who have written anything directly pertaining to what it is to be a man. Also noteworthy, I found only six books written specifically about raising boys. Boys are Boys. Girls are Girls. The impact and need for acknowledging the distinctions between men and women has never been greater. Single moms are buying little boys girls bikes. My own sons mother painted his toenails (problem one) pink (problem two). In today's modern culture there is such a real identity crisis. We as moms and dads must not contribute to the confusion. Rather, we as parents must understand the issue and be aware. There is a real need to acknowledge the issue, instill identity security in our children and ourselves, support our children, and of course love our children to no end no matter what. All children explore and all good parents love their children. But, we as parents can not add to the confusion of gender identity. If my child chooses to be gay or explores the topic, no doubt I will love him and except him. Period. However, we absolutely can not add to that confusion.

Allow me to share with you more about where I'm coming from. First, I do acknowledge there are some very unfortunate circumstances that have left many women single with kids and struggling to keep it all together. Also, I acknowledge that mothers who stay home and run households across America are grossly under-recognized and under-valued. The mother who took on the daunting task of raising me from the time I was three is one such example. All she has been through and the impact she has on my life is and forever will be cherished to no end. Support and love and attention to these women is certainly deserving. Period. I also acknowledge many men deserve the alloted stereotype. That said, like so many things in America there is an over-generalization on what this experience means about all men. There's never a question asked of the men out there who do there best to do the right thing. Who never leave their kids and have had wives who were more a part of the problem than an active contributor to a solution. What has been their experience? What happened. What are the pressures? And not just divorced men. All men. It seems Americans general view of men are self-involved men of greed or drunk philanderers with no real purpose or distinct added value. Separate from the experience of single dads, the need for men in general has been all but entirely shunned by our modern American culture. The journey I have started is for all the men who have chosen to actively be the best fathers they know how to be and have chosen to do all they can to be the best men they know how to be.

I am setting out to cause a breakthrough experience in my life and the lives of others by researching and documenting the experience of the American Man.