While on a recent run I came up with the idea of putting together a Father Son Run to promote awareness of boys needing fathers as an active part of their day to day lives. After only two months worth of research, I've become increasingly more passionate about becoming a voice for our young boys. The byproduct of boys not having healthy relationships with their fathers is scary. More than 85% of all inmates surveyed said they did not have a healthy relationship with their father. An almost equal number of homosexuals answered the same...No healthy relationship with their father. Boys are born boys; they have to become men. The danger of not having active fathers is they stay boys the rest of their lives.
What's your relationship like with your son/s or daughter/s? Are you as involved in their lives as you should be? Or is work more important? Can we acknowledge raising boys and raising girls is nothing alike? Can you think of healthy and unhealthy father son relationships and any possible link in the young boys behavior? World-wide I see an epidemic needing immediate attention. Our young boys, and parents, are getting hit from all sides: the government, the media, schools, social pressures. It seems as though there is no safe place for our children.
Currently, more than 80% of all divorces end with the custody being handed to the mother...By state law. I find it hard to believe in each of those cases their wasn't a ready, willing, and able father fighting to stay involved in his childrens lives. In the U.S. we are experiencing proactive liberal activists making their way into every fabric of modern American culture. The courts are actually forcing fathers apart from their children. Sure, some fathers are deadbeat fathers choosing not to play a role. Unfortunately, this does happen on both sides of the fence. That said, I will also ask how many fathers have spent thousands and thousands of dollars to no avail? It is our responsibility as Americans to serve in such a way that makes our voice heard. If our government won't be a stand, then we must speak up and stand for our rights and our values ourselves. You will be surprised how much and how quickly you are able to garner support while resonating with others. Some serve in the armed forces to stand for what's right. We must serve in our communities. Speaking up and speaking out for what we believe in. Those who do, make a difference. Just look at what's happened for those who do speak up...ie. the liberal agenda. If the crazy ideas of the extreme left can make their way into every household across the U.S., then common sense well grounded values can do the same. What are you doing to stand up for yourself, your neighbor, and your children?
Today, I'm more greatful than ever for the character foundation my parents worked hard to instill. Thank You and I Love You!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Walk Away
"...It's like walking around with the weight of the world on my shoulders, walking around with my past in a big bag. Today, I'm going to walk out in the rain and let it all wash away. Just walk away. "
-Country Music Artist (Clay Atkins?)-
-Country Music Artist (Clay Atkins?)-
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Who are you?
A few years ago I went through this weekend program. We won't get into the program and so forth, but I do want to share some of what I took away from the weekend. I learned a lot about distinctions. For example...Who do you think you are vs. who you are actually being. I would ask, "What kind of man do you think you are? Do you know?" Then, I would follow up with, "Okay, Are you actually BEING that man? Really?"
Often times there is a large gap between who we think we are being and who we are ACTUALLY being. It can be a bit of a daunting talk...Finding out from others who you really come across as. Do you think you're good with money, but then go out with friends and blow money on frivilous items you could easily do without? Do you think your compassionate, but often fail to hear when people could really use your ear? Do you think your open-minded and then make definitive opinionated statements about topics you only have shallow knowledge of?
Before we can instill our character in our children, we must first make sure it's instilled in us. Do you live it? Do you walk the walk even under the most trying of times or do you fold under pressure? In today's day and age, it's a good time to find out what you're made of. Know who you, beyond the shadow of a doubt, and get in the game.
Often times there is a large gap between who we think we are being and who we are ACTUALLY being. It can be a bit of a daunting talk...Finding out from others who you really come across as. Do you think you're good with money, but then go out with friends and blow money on frivilous items you could easily do without? Do you think your compassionate, but often fail to hear when people could really use your ear? Do you think your open-minded and then make definitive opinionated statements about topics you only have shallow knowledge of?
Before we can instill our character in our children, we must first make sure it's instilled in us. Do you live it? Do you walk the walk even under the most trying of times or do you fold under pressure? In today's day and age, it's a good time to find out what you're made of. Know who you, beyond the shadow of a doubt, and get in the game.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Expectations
About three years ago I had an ensight; which is all relationships succeed or fail based on clearly communicated and understood expectations. This simple understanding has helped me time and time again and is applicable across the board. Without established and understood expectations each party involved in the relationship will likely fail the other to no fault of their own. In short, I will fail you if I don't know what you expect from me.
This applies to our children as well. The best thing we have to offer our children is our experience. Let's let them know what lies ahead. This way, when something bad happens it wasn't a total surprise and they are better able to handle the many adversities in life. The range is endless so we must be communicating often. We're the engine telling the caboose what's around the corner. Every corner. At least now the caboose can have a fighting chance to make it around that surprise hairpin turn (the one you already knew was coming) and do so without some traumatic recovery experience.
Communicate, set, and establish expectations with your kids. Get in the game.
This applies to our children as well. The best thing we have to offer our children is our experience. Let's let them know what lies ahead. This way, when something bad happens it wasn't a total surprise and they are better able to handle the many adversities in life. The range is endless so we must be communicating often. We're the engine telling the caboose what's around the corner. Every corner. At least now the caboose can have a fighting chance to make it around that surprise hairpin turn (the one you already knew was coming) and do so without some traumatic recovery experience.
Communicate, set, and establish expectations with your kids. Get in the game.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Recommended Reading
Below is a short list of recommended reading.
- bringing up BOYS by Dr. James Dobson
- Fire In the Belly: On Being A Man by Sam Keen
- Iron John by Robert Bly
- Wild at Heart by John Eldridge
My feedback on each of these books can be found on postings forthcoming. Currently I've read Wild at Heart and am in the middle of bringing up BOYS. I'll post when finished with each of these four books. More to come.
A Father's Playbook
Need one? Make one.
Make one based on who you are and what you stand for. Do a little research. Right down who you are and what you stand for. Research authors and topics of interest. Read. Get inspired. Get motivated. The truly successful motivate themselves. And, besides, what better motivator do you need than your own children? Shape them. Grow them. Raise them. They will emulate you and it's amazing to see. They are amazing. My son is amazing. Thank you son!
Make a playbook. Get in the game.
Make one based on who you are and what you stand for. Do a little research. Right down who you are and what you stand for. Research authors and topics of interest. Read. Get inspired. Get motivated. The truly successful motivate themselves. And, besides, what better motivator do you need than your own children? Shape them. Grow them. Raise them. They will emulate you and it's amazing to see. They are amazing. My son is amazing. Thank you son!
Make a playbook. Get in the game.
Keeping Score and Being Number One
It's not easy. If you didn't know, being number one never is. I'm talking about honestly acknowledging my secret desire to have my son like spending time with me more than with his mother. I'm sure this line of thought could be analyzed and picked a part to no end, but allow me to be real with you here.
I firmly believe men are competitive by nature. I remember my sons mother recently commenting on my acknowledging the score at one of his soccer games. We had just scored and were up by three. Yes, I know he's only six. However, she mentions the score doesn't matter and they are only there to have fun. Really? I couldn't get how different she saw things and, to be honest, how oblivious she was to truly understanding our son. You see, as she said this to me the boys were out on the field with huge smiles on their faces, giving each other high-fives, and....Yes, screaming, "We have like 1006 and they have 2." As a male, keeping score and having fun are not mutually exclusive. Keeping score is part of being competitive and a natural part of what it is to be a male. It's fun being competitive. We're born that way.
As a single parent it's easy to slip into an unhealthy and unspoken competition with your ex. It's currently 0400 and I've been woken up and drawn to the computer to document this point...Use the natural tendency to be competitive and the desire to be number one as a driving force to be the best father you can be. Rather than talking about or even somewhat focusing on the scoreboard, let's focus on the game. The game of being a great dad (no whiners allowed) is to be connected and stay connected to your kids. Get them. Know them. Work with them. Grow with them. Tiger's head is in the game. Jordan's head was in the game. Vince Lombardi was in the game. Cal Ripken, in the game. Sure, from time to time we're aware of the score, but let's keep our head in the game. Constantly improving. Always practicing. We're gonna make mistakes. Just keep getting better and better and better. Never stop. Never give up. My father used to always share this little saying with me..."I may be wounded, but I am not slain. Let me lay down and bleed a while, then rise and fight again." Like I said, it's not easy. And, it's not always fun. But, in the end, our kids will remember who was always there for them, who fought to teach them the essentials of life, and who loved them without fail. This is the game of fatherhood. It's one of the toughest battlefields we'll ever have the privilege of playing on. Enjoy the game. Play to win. God speed.
I firmly believe men are competitive by nature. I remember my sons mother recently commenting on my acknowledging the score at one of his soccer games. We had just scored and were up by three. Yes, I know he's only six. However, she mentions the score doesn't matter and they are only there to have fun. Really? I couldn't get how different she saw things and, to be honest, how oblivious she was to truly understanding our son. You see, as she said this to me the boys were out on the field with huge smiles on their faces, giving each other high-fives, and....Yes, screaming, "We have like 1006 and they have 2." As a male, keeping score and having fun are not mutually exclusive. Keeping score is part of being competitive and a natural part of what it is to be a male. It's fun being competitive. We're born that way.
As a single parent it's easy to slip into an unhealthy and unspoken competition with your ex. It's currently 0400 and I've been woken up and drawn to the computer to document this point...Use the natural tendency to be competitive and the desire to be number one as a driving force to be the best father you can be. Rather than talking about or even somewhat focusing on the scoreboard, let's focus on the game. The game of being a great dad (no whiners allowed) is to be connected and stay connected to your kids. Get them. Know them. Work with them. Grow with them. Tiger's head is in the game. Jordan's head was in the game. Vince Lombardi was in the game. Cal Ripken, in the game. Sure, from time to time we're aware of the score, but let's keep our head in the game. Constantly improving. Always practicing. We're gonna make mistakes. Just keep getting better and better and better. Never stop. Never give up. My father used to always share this little saying with me..."I may be wounded, but I am not slain. Let me lay down and bleed a while, then rise and fight again." Like I said, it's not easy. And, it's not always fun. But, in the end, our kids will remember who was always there for them, who fought to teach them the essentials of life, and who loved them without fail. This is the game of fatherhood. It's one of the toughest battlefields we'll ever have the privilege of playing on. Enjoy the game. Play to win. God speed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
