The Breakthrough Project for Men: November 10, 2008

Yesterday I began a personal journey called The Breakthrough Project for Men. My intention is to cause a breakthrough in the way I experience being a single father as well as contribute to all men by serving as a source of information, support, and guidance.

After taking my son Drew to a doctors appointment and dropping him off at school, I headed to Borders not knowing what I might find. I wanted to begin to research all the books about being a man. A Father. The male experience. What it is to be a man. What I found was somewhat shocking. I was able to find books on raising boys and relevant christian books pertaining to being a man in God's image, but there isn't a single book in the entire Borders book store on Brentwood Ave. in St.Louis, MO. on November 10, 2008 that spoke to simply being a man. I get the ones about being a man in God's image, but the male experience isn't relegated to just christians. And I'm a christian. I was baffled to the point I found myself saying, "Really?" out loud. I asked a Borders employee for help. He searched all through the computer. Nothing further. I thank the author's who have written books on the topic of being a man. I will read each of them in hopes of growing in my knowledge of the subject. I consider it noteworthy to mention that after four hours of initial research I found only five authors who have written anything directly pertaining to what it is to be a man. Also noteworthy, I found only six books written specifically about raising boys. Boys are Boys. Girls are Girls. The impact and need for acknowledging the distinctions between men and women has never been greater. Single moms are buying little boys girls bikes. My own sons mother painted his toenails (problem one) pink (problem two). In today's modern culture there is such a real identity crisis. We as moms and dads must not contribute to the confusion. Rather, we as parents must understand the issue and be aware. There is a real need to acknowledge the issue, instill identity security in our children and ourselves, support our children, and of course love our children to no end no matter what. All children explore and all good parents love their children. But, we as parents can not add to the confusion of gender identity. If my child chooses to be gay or explores the topic, no doubt I will love him and except him. Period. However, we absolutely can not add to that confusion.

Allow me to share with you more about where I'm coming from. First, I do acknowledge there are some very unfortunate circumstances that have left many women single with kids and struggling to keep it all together. Also, I acknowledge that mothers who stay home and run households across America are grossly under-recognized and under-valued. The mother who took on the daunting task of raising me from the time I was three is one such example. All she has been through and the impact she has on my life is and forever will be cherished to no end. Support and love and attention to these women is certainly deserving. Period. I also acknowledge many men deserve the alloted stereotype. That said, like so many things in America there is an over-generalization on what this experience means about all men. There's never a question asked of the men out there who do there best to do the right thing. Who never leave their kids and have had wives who were more a part of the problem than an active contributor to a solution. What has been their experience? What happened. What are the pressures? And not just divorced men. All men. It seems Americans general view of men are self-involved men of greed or drunk philanderers with no real purpose or distinct added value. Separate from the experience of single dads, the need for men in general has been all but entirely shunned by our modern American culture. The journey I have started is for all the men who have chosen to actively be the best fathers they know how to be and have chosen to do all they can to be the best men they know how to be.

I am setting out to cause a breakthrough experience in my life and the lives of others by researching and documenting the experience of the American Man.

The Breakthrough Project for Men

I've been a single father for more than four years. Immediately after the divorce I noticed a difference in the way society recieved me as a single father as well as in the way I interacted with others. In holding myself accountable for my own experience, I think I may have become a bit defensive and/or protective of my desire to be a great father for my young son. However, all things considered, there is a clear distinction in the way men are treated and percieved in modern American. Today I acknowledge this period of time in my life as the beginning of my experience as a researcher and advocate for all men in America. It is over the past five years that I began to pay attention to how America looked at men and our roles in our modern culture. I've done so with an awareness not to be suggestive; rather I've just become aware. So much happens all around us all the time and it's not until we become aware that we notice how often "it" takes place. This "it" being whatever you've become aware of. In this conversation "it" is the shunning of men. I would liken this to the experience of seeing the car you just decided to buy all over the place just after you've decided to buy it. This noticing coupled with my personal life experience is what has led me to begin The Breakthrough Project: Men.

A very close friend of mine started The Breakthrough Project. She has studied and worked very hard to clearly understand certain distinctions in order to cause breakthroughs in her own life. She has spent years studying, researching, applying, and experiencing. So much so, businesses are now finding great value and benefit in the use of her understanding of distinctions and processes. As close friends I've personally had the priviledge of watching her grow and I'm incredibly proud of her. On a recent Saturday morning Erin and I had brunch. Towards the end of the conversation I shared with her how the strength of my desire to contribute to men has really become strong. She knows this has stirred in me for some time. It's now Nov. 2008 and I've been single since the fall of 2003. To no avail I've looked for outlets that have allowed me to contribute; youth groups at church, non-profit organizations, etc. But, to date nothing has stuck or fit just right. They were fine. Just not a fit. Today was to be different. Before Erin and I got up from the table Erin stopped and offered to support me in this search for an outlet or a platform with which my stirring would be fulfilled. The result of this conversation is The Breakthrough Project: Men.