Awareness

When I first chose to move forward with The Father Project, largely my motivation stemmed from personal experience and for the benefit of myself and my son Drew. I wanted to learn and grow in order to become a better father. After researching and reading multiple articles, websites, and books pertaining to fatherhood, I am finding myself profoundly moved by the massive impact fatherhood has on our young boys. Our president has called issues relating to fatherhood the single most significant issue we face as a culture today. No longer is this just a personal endeavor.

I've found it easy to fall back into the comfort zone of my own community. Thinking, is this really a problem? These families seem happy and involved. Fathers are there...Right? Largely, the answer is no. Even if fathers are waking up everyday, heading out to work, and coming home each night, this does not mean fathers are available. Emotionally or otherwise. To make money, not argue, and to come home sober at a reasonable hour is not to be a great dad. That is not being the father our young boys need. When honest, ALL men know of the scares left from their youth as they relate to their own fathers. These scares are like war wounds we never want to see and never want to think or talk about. Perhaps like a war vet, we think no one else can possibly relate. Recently, I wrote a six page letter to my father expressing all the anger and hurt I had experienced over many years. This anger and frustration had impacted my life in numerous ways. I never mailed the letter, but I did feel so much better simply acknowledging it and putting it down in writing. The sheer pain I personally experienced just going through the process of writing this letter, serves as an indicator of the depth and impact my emotional secret has had.

Being aware of the link between fathers and sons is only the beginning. Father's MUST engage, now, in the emotional life and development of their young boys. It's never too late. Broken fences can be mended. Furthermore, mother's and wives must be involved in this process. They play a key role in helping men feel comfortable enough to "get in there". I would encourage openly discussing opportunities and ways both parents can actively engage in the healthy emotional development of their child/children. The strongest and best relationships are not "perfect" from the get go. They are created through shared experiences and not giving up. We fathers must engage in creating the relatedness it takes in order to have the emotional connection our boys so desperately need. If we aim to teach our boys to have courage and to be tough; we must willing to walk the walk ourselves by having the courage to step into not only our own emotions, but also the emotional heart of our boys. To not engage is to land a devastating blow to the life of your own child. And, secretly, you know this. Get in the game.