On the Other Side

What's on the other side of divorce? At least when young children are involved, there's still years and years of relationship and issues requiring both of you. Issues at school. Emotional health issues. Physical health. Disciplinary issues. Upbringing issues. The shaping of study habits, manners, and a childs relentless pursuit to identify boundaries. Above all else a child of divorced parents requires consistency between homes. To be optimally effective, this requires communication and compromise. That said, if these were your strongsuits you two very well may still be married. Thus, my point. We all know the choice to divorce does not happen overnight, is incredibly difficult, and by no means are all scenarios the same. But, why does it seem parents are more willing to make the childs needs a priority AFTER the divorce vs. before hand? Before hand seems to be riddled with pride, ego, and battle. While afterwards it seems to be less pride, ego, and battle and more whatever needs to happen for the child (to some degree anyway). After all, if the welfare of the child is a priority, both parents must submit their pride and ego, summon their strongest diplomatic communication skills, and be willing to compromise certain things in the best interest of the child. It is this very same skill set needed in-house prior to divorcing, but it seems to be lost somewhere along the road leading to divorce. I get the personal freedom one will experience post divorce vs. being bound by the walls of your home you both live in. However, I do want to introduce the fact that when a child is involved you will forever have a relationship with your wife, like it or not, and in the interest of the children we must do everything we can beyond the shadow of a doubt. I for one feel as though I could have done more. I don't know what, but...For Drew, anything would have been worth it. In short, children will experience our choice to divorce for the rest of their lives in one capacity or another. I've seen my sister and brother-in-law fight long and hard for their marriage and I'm left inspired and appreciative. Their example gives me hope and has taught me a lesson. Thank you Angie and Richard. I love you! All things said, I do get sometimes there's just nothing left. And, it just plain sucks.

Lost Without A Guide

So, nearly a month after my last posting, I'm back in the swing of things. Which, of course, includes my still ongoing mission to spread awareness and inspire fathers to engage in the lives of their children.

There's a saying I hear time and time again that goes, "Don't worry. Children are resilient." When said, "they" aren't referring to youthful bodies. They are referring to their minds. Lately, this has started to almost infuriate me. Kids are resilient why? Because they are still alive? Because they've survived? Our jobs as parents are not only to help children survive, but rather help them thrive. It is not to dismiss potentially traumatic emotional turmoil in order to save our own pride or egos. You don't say these things to justify your unwillingness to...Give your child your absolutely best beyond the shadow of a doubt. Period. Who do you think of when you make choices even remotely impacting the day to day life of your child? Kids don't remember Lexus vs. Honda. They remember present or not present. Are you a present guide in the life of your child? Kids aren't resilient. They are impacted! They hear you. They are watching you. How do you live because they are paying attention to every word, look, and move you make whether you think so or not. And when you can't relate or have zero relationship and wonder why...Perhaps it's not such a mystery. It's up to us to step towards them. Not the otherway around. And you don't give up. Ever. Our modern culture filled with overly defiant children are NOT resilient. They are impacted by the presence of their parents and/or lack there of.

The children of America need positive role models. Mentors. We can pay for it with our tax money fed to our prisons or spend some time building up the youth of America.

Father Son Run Spring 2009

While on a recent run I came up with the idea of putting together a Father Son Run to promote awareness of boys needing fathers as an active part of their day to day lives. After only two months worth of research, I've become increasingly more passionate about becoming a voice for our young boys. The byproduct of boys not having healthy relationships with their fathers is scary. More than 85% of all inmates surveyed said they did not have a healthy relationship with their father. An almost equal number of homosexuals answered the same...No healthy relationship with their father. Boys are born boys; they have to become men. The danger of not having active fathers is they stay boys the rest of their lives.

What's your relationship like with your son/s or daughter/s? Are you as involved in their lives as you should be? Or is work more important? Can we acknowledge raising boys and raising girls is nothing alike? Can you think of healthy and unhealthy father son relationships and any possible link in the young boys behavior? World-wide I see an epidemic needing immediate attention. Our young boys, and parents, are getting hit from all sides: the government, the media, schools, social pressures. It seems as though there is no safe place for our children.

Currently, more than 80% of all divorces end with the custody being handed to the mother...By state law. I find it hard to believe in each of those cases their wasn't a ready, willing, and able father fighting to stay involved in his childrens lives. In the U.S. we are experiencing proactive liberal activists making their way into every fabric of modern American culture. The courts are actually forcing fathers apart from their children. Sure, some fathers are deadbeat fathers choosing not to play a role. Unfortunately, this does happen on both sides of the fence. That said, I will also ask how many fathers have spent thousands and thousands of dollars to no avail? It is our responsibility as Americans to serve in such a way that makes our voice heard. If our government won't be a stand, then we must speak up and stand for our rights and our values ourselves. You will be surprised how much and how quickly you are able to garner support while resonating with others. Some serve in the armed forces to stand for what's right. We must serve in our communities. Speaking up and speaking out for what we believe in. Those who do, make a difference. Just look at what's happened for those who do speak up...ie. the liberal agenda. If the crazy ideas of the extreme left can make their way into every household across the U.S., then common sense well grounded values can do the same. What are you doing to stand up for yourself, your neighbor, and your children?

Today, I'm more greatful than ever for the character foundation my parents worked hard to instill. Thank You and I Love You!